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Supposed To Feel My Feelings

12/17/2024

Murray strolled into the kitchen and kissed Mary on the cheek. “It smells marvelous. What is it?”

“Elka gave me a recipe to try.”

“Your coffee klatch. How did that go?” He poked around the refrigerator.

“The apple juice is behind the butter on the second shelf.” She lifted the pot lid and stirred.

“Thank you.” He reached in for it. “Things went well, did they?”

“We resolved a minor point of order in Sarah’s OCIA preparations.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“Nothing to worry about, dear. We got it taken care of.” She closed the lid and rinsed the spoon. “They’ve taken Sarah to their hearts. It’s wonderful to see.”

“Staś is all heart. Always has been.” He poured himself a glass of juice.

“I’m glad to hear you say that.”

He studied her as he drank.

“We had an idea. A wonderful idea, actually.”

“Is that so?”

“Did you know that Sarah has been on her own since she was sixteen?”

“Sixteen? How is that possible?”

“A tragedy of errors, Murray. It’s heartbreaking what this poor girl has been through. Staś and Elka have welcomed her into their family.”

“Ours as well. God willing, she and Leo will be married.”

“As a de facto member of their family…”

“Well, in theory, sure.” He took another drink. “But…”

“Oh, Murray. She’s so happy. She told me that Staś said he’d be treating her as if she was born to them.”

“I’d imagine. I had no idea her situation was so dire. Poor dear.”

“To that end, we thought it would be very special if we could consider a shared project this year.”

“Shared?”

“Staś, come sit. I have a fresh cup of coffee ready for you.” Elka hugged him.

He kissed her and took his seat. “You know how to make me glad to come home.”

“Is it so strange for a wife to love her husband? Drink your coffee.”

“Ah, that warms me almost as much as your hugs. It’s so cold out today. I hope you didn’t have to go out.”

“I felt it when Mary came to visit. Dreadful.”

“What’s that aroma?”

“Mary shared a recipe. I thought you might like to try it.”

“It smells good. Some sort of chicken?”

“Yes, there’s squash, corn and beans. I’m excited to try it.”

“Sounds nice. I’m going to change for dinner. Do we have Sarah tonight, or is she working again?”

“Leo is taking her somewhere.”

“Hmm, we need to get her to slow down, I think.”

“It’s just dinner, Staś. She said she’d get more cider while she’s out.”

“In that case, ask her to pick up another case of Old Cas. I’ll forward her the money.” He finished his coffee and stood up.

“Before you change, I want you to start thinking about something.”

“Oh?”

“They’re not engaged yet, but–”

“Exactly. After she becomes a Catholic at Easter, he can propose officially and properly.”

“Of course, but–”

“But what? What more is there to say? Until it’s official, it’s not official.”

“Is this how you close tractor sales, Stanisław? You just keep talking until they surrender?”

“That’s one way of getting it done. Sure.”

“Okay, let’s try the way where you zip your lips long enough for me to finish a thought.” She brandished the long-handled spoon.

“So, who’s stopping you? You’ve never had a problem expressing yourself.”

She smacked the palm of her hand with the spoon as she counted down. “We’re not competing with the Murrays this year. We are going to come together as Sarah’s family and do a combined display. Got it?” She pointed the spoon at him.

“If we do it together, who gets the trophy?”

“Sarah and Leo.” She huffed. “By extension, all of us. We all win. Go change your clothes and let it sink through that block you call a head.” She turned to the pot and jammed the spoon in.

“So, how’d it go with the tea party?”

“It was great. We lined all of our teddy bears around the table and poured out the tea and then Mary, Elka and I skipped around the kitchen to a harpsichord concerto.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of shade before dinner. Did I shut the door on your hand or something?”

“I’m sorry. It stirred up a lot of emotions.”

“Are you sure you want to go to dinner? We can order take-out and I can drop you back home if you want to be alone.”

“That’s the last thing I want.” She crossed her arms and scrunched down in the passenger seat. “I definitely do not want to be alone.”

“We might be able to catch the bank before it closes.”

“What for?”

“We can get a couple rolls of quarters and you can play whack-a-mole until it’s out of your system.”

“Not a bad idea, actually.”

“I have them from time to time. First, the bank. Then, the Winged Hussar Arcade.”

“What about dinner?”

“They have snack stuff. Pizza, burgers…”

“Would that be enough for you?”

“They have corn dogs on a stick. I can hold the stick and you can chomp on the corn dog while you whack the moles.”

“Better not. I might bite you by accident.”

“The red hair is no lie tonight.”

“I thought you said I was supposed to feel my feelings.”

“Every day in every way.” He nodded as they pulled into the bank drive-thru line. “But warn me if I’m supposed to wear a hazmat suit or firefighting equipment.”

“Mr. Sensitive.” She rolled her eyes.

He grabbed the carrier from the dock and twisted the lid. “Think three rolls will be enough?”

“120 games of whack-a-mole? My arms will fall off.”

“At least my ears will be dry.” He dropped $30 into the carrier and placed it back in the vacuum tube dock. “Can I get three rolls of quarters, please?”

Sarah started with a chuckle. Leo watched as she progressed to a convulsing belly laugh.

“Do you need help? Should I call Dr. Hu?”

“No.” She wiped tears from her eyes as she rolled back and forth. “I’m just tired.”

“Tired? Tell me what you need. Honestly.”

“I need to do this. I’m feeling so many things right now.” She shrunk down in the seat, panting.

He retrieved the carrier and took his rolls of quarters out. “What do you need from me? Should we go park somewhere? Do you need to go back to Staś and Elka’s?”

“Just be with me.” She tucked her knees up to her chin. “That’s all I’m ever going to need.”

He offered his hand. She tucked it between her knees and her chin.

“Zavijava?” He pulled away from the bank.

“How about Burger Heaven? They have a drive-thru.”

“Sure. Do you have something in mind?”

She shrugged.

“I’ve got the app on my phone. You can check the menu, if you want.”

She squeezed his hand. “In a minute, maybe.”

“I guess things went alright with Mom?”

“Yeah.” She sniffled. “She was great about it. Kind of stern at first, but…” She pulled his hand out to study the details. She traced his fingernails with her fingertip. She turned it over to study the lines on his palm. “I told them everything. Seems like they got it. You know?” She kissed his knuckles and ran his fingertips through her hair.

‘My goodness, that tickles.’ He clamped his lips tight.

“Leo?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you unlock your phone?”

“Sure.” He held out his finger. She pressed the phone against it a few times to get to his menu.

“Bacon Cherubs with cheese and extra pickles. That looks good. Should I add that to the cart?”

“Sure. Can you add a hamburger with extra lettuce and a grilled chicken with brown mustard for me?”

“Fries?”

“Onion Halos.”

She giggled at that. “Cola?”

“Orange Cream.”

“Looks like Jim’s sweet tooth runs in the family. Pay with card on file?”

“Go ahead.”

She put the phone in his hand and let go.

He glanced at her. She seemed more relaxed. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m working through it. Still with me?”

“Always.”

That made her smile. “Thanks for being patient.”

“If you need to talk about it, I’m here.” He pulled into the line at Burger Heaven. “Pre-order, this line. Okay, this line.”

“Isn’t this weird?” She was leaning on the door panel with her nose against the glass.

“How flexible you are? I guess that’s a little weird and a lot intriguing. Are you part cat?”

“Girls are more bendy than guys. Didn’t you know that?”

“I guess, but let’s save that for the honeymoon.”

She covered her smile. “You’re awful. Oh, that reminds me.”

Leo completed the order verification and rolled forward to the window. “Reminds you of?”

“I said how I had you in my apartment so we could talk and they both said, ‘Well, there won’t be any more of that.’ at the exact same time.” She grinned and turned to check his reaction.

“Yeah, that’s a mom thing.” He handed her the bags and pulled away from the order window. “Shame, though.”

She dug through the bag for the cup of onion rings. “What is?”

“I was totally going to raid your Christmas Crunchies. Now, I’ll have to buy a box of my own.”

“Darned tootin’.”

“Wow, that’s cold. I thought we were on the same page with the ‘what’s mine is yours’ feeling.”

“Some day, Leo Murray, you will have me as your wedded wife, body and soul.”

“Can’t wait.”

“But you’ll have to pry the Christmas Crunchies from my cold, dead hands. You’re going to have to make enough to pay for, hmm, three boxes?”

“Three?”

“One for me. One for you and me. Another one for the kids. Depending on how many we have, we might have to get a couple of boxes for them all.”

“Uh-huh, let’s revisit that.”

“Let’s don’t. I’m having a marshmallow tree craving already.”

“We can get some at the store on the way home.”

“Home…”

“Yeah, that’s kind of nebulous now. Isn’t it?”

She pulled an onion ring from the cup. “What do you mean?”

“If Staś and Elka have basically adopted you, isn’t that your home now? Your apartment is your place, obviously, but isn’t home where your family is?”

She popped the onion ring in her mouth and chewed as she pondered that. “Yeah, huh?”

“And I guess you’re going to have to pick sides in the Pine Hollow Light Fight.”

“We picked our side.”

“You and Elka?”

“No, all three of us. Elka and Mary decided to put an end to the rivalry. There’s us and the rest of Pine Hollow. We’re not doing rivalry anymore. We’re going to be one family at the end of the cul-de-sac. There will be unity on Unity Court.”

“I can’t see Staś and Dad going for that.”

“Our moms aren’t going to give them a choice.”

“Yeah…” He pulled into the grocery store parking lot. “Wait, did you say ‘our moms’?”

“I guess I did. It didn’t feel weird. I’d better sit down.”

“You are sitting down.” Leo chuckled. “Do you have a shopping list?”

“Elka wanted me to get more apple cider. I’ll have to see if she texted me anything else.” She wrestled her phone out of her coat pocket. “Staś sent me money to get a case of something called Old Cas.”

“It’s holiday beer.”

“Grace said it’s awful.”

“It’s an acquired taste, definitely. People tend to either love it or hate it. Apparently, Staś and Emma’s father-in-law invented the stuff.”

“Really? I thought Stosh worked at the tractor place.”

“That’s right, but he worked at Edelholz with Ronny’s dad years back.”

“Hmm, kind of a leap from brewing to tractor sales.”

“There were layoffs when we were little. Staś had to hustle to find a new line of work. The Himmelreichs took a chance on him and it paid off all around. He’s been loyal and worked his way up. One thing you can always count on, Staś Chmielewski is a stand-up guy.”