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Deepest, Darkest Secrets

Jeb finished his breakfast in pensive silence.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“I’m not rejecting you, Jeb. I just want you to do it correctly.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize there was an incorrect way-”

“Of course you didn’t. I understand.”

“I’m not sure that I do. Can I have another of those cinnamon rolls?”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Please?”

“Well, at least you have manners.” She put a cinnamon roll on his plate and licked the frosting from her fingers.

“I guess that makes one of us. You don’t do that at the bakery, do you?”

She smacked him on the arm. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I don’t.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Oh, is it?”

“You wouldn’t want to tarnish your image, after all.”

Tears began welling in her eyes as she started to clear the table.

“Oh, I was just kidding, Aundrea. I thought we were…”

She shook her head and took a handful of dishes to the sink. He gathered up his plate and silverware and followed her to the sink.

“Aundrea…”

She bit her lip and wiped at her eyes before waving him away.

“I’m sorry. I guess I’d better go.”

She grabbed on to him. “No, just give me a minute. Go in the den and put some music on. I’ll be right there.”

“Aundrea, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know, Jeb. Just give me a minute here.”

“Sure.” He took her hand off of his sleeve and kissed it gently before leaving the kitchen.

She wiped away the tears and started loading the dishwasher. She hoped the rattling of dishes and flatware would disguise the sound of her sniffling. ‘His deepest, darkest secrets? How am I supposed to tell him mine? He’ll run out of here so fast it will peel the paint off the door.’

She walked into the den, still dabbing at her eyes.

“Hey, I found a nice instrumental-” He turned to find her crying in the doorway. “Aundrea, what’s the matter? Please, come sit and tell me.”

She wrapped her arms around her body and began shaking. “Jeb, I’m sorry.”

“Aundrea, sorry about what? What’s the matter? Won’t you come talk with me?”

She put a hand over her face and continued sobbing pitifully. “I don’t want to put this all on you on Christmas Day. You’re trying so hard to be nice and everything…”

“I don’t have to try to be nice to you, Aundrea. I like you. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone. I wish I could do something to help you not feel so sad.”

“There are things you don’t know about me, Jeb.”

“Okay. When you’re ready-”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I’m sure you’ll never be ready.”

“Do you really think so little of me?”

“What?”

“I don’t know what it is that you think will make me not like you anymore but I doubt that it’s the case. I just want to help. I just want to be your friend the way I should have been way back at the softball field.”

“That was a long, long time ago. Stuff has happened.”

“I know. We went our separate ways for a couple of years but then you came back. I was so relieved.”

“You were?”

“Sure. It meant I actually had a chance to try to make it up to you.” He held his arms out to her, beckoning her to the couch.

She trudged uncertainly to join him, still hugging her body. “Make it up to me? What am I that you need to do anything for me? Why did you even come to all those games if you weren’t going to ever talk with me?”

“That was my way of protecting myself and it was pretty childish.” He reached out to her and she sat down beside her. “In my defense, I was a child so…”

That made her laugh in spite of herself. She swatted at him with her sweater sleeves and settled into his embrace. “Jeb.”

“I think you’re beginning to understand how I felt.”

“What do you mean?”

“What you’re feeling right now, if I understand it at all, it’s exactly how I felt every time the game ended and I wanted to go say hi to you. A storm of self-doubt and fear that you’d reject me always held me back. I was so scared that you’d blow me off that I couldn’t even bring myself to just say hi and find out for certain.”

“This is so much worse than that, Jeb.”

“Probably so. I was a kid and I had kid-sized problems.”

“I wanted you to say hi.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I did. I was so sad when you’d disappear. I waited for years for you to just say hi, Jeb. I wanted to take a walk with you and learn everything about you. You were always there. Always.”

“And I always will be, if you’ll let me.”

She nestled more closely and thumped on his sides with her fists. “You don’t understand, Jeb. Things happened.”

“Maybe it’s time you let someone help you deal with that. I’m here, Aundrea. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You might even believe that but, Jeb, I’ve got a serious problem and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Let’s just enjoy the music for a while. If you can bring yourself to tell me, I promise that I’ll listen and try to understand.”

She wrapped her arms around him and they sat quietly for a while.

His phone rang. He pulled her a little closer.

“Aren’t you going to get that?”

“They can leave a message.”

“Don’t you even want to see who it is?”

He smiled at her and reached for his phone. “It’s just my cousin, Brendan.”

“It’s okay, you can answer it. I need to go wash my face anyway.”

He released her reluctantly and answered the phone. “Brendan?”

When she got back, he was just hanging up. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, he just had a favor to ask.”

“On Christmas Day?”

“Yes, but actually it’s for New Year’s Eve.”

“What do I need, a shop-vac? Are you going to tell me or what?” She plopped down on the couch beside him.

“Oh, he and Trilby Hughes are getting married at midnight on New Year’s Eve and he wants me to be a witness.”

“Oh, is that all?” She jumped up on her knees and started whacking at him. “He’s getting married? Didn’t he just meet her last night at the ball?”

“Yes, but I did tell him about her on the trip to Wyoming Pass.”

“And he’s ready to marry her?”

“Love at first sight, I guess. You just know when you’ve found the other half of your soul.”

“What did you say?” She fell back down onto the couch.

“I knew it the first time I saw you play softball, but I was a little kid. I didn’t know anything about love besides saying it to my parents. All this time, I always knew.”

She jumped around the room like a kangaroo. He couldn’t tell if she was happy, angry or just losing her mind.

“Are you going to be alright?”

That made her stop. She ran up and poked a finger at his face. “Jebediah Maximilian Powell! You knew you loved me that much and you couldn’t be bothered to tell me for over twenty years?”

He shrunk away sheepishly. “I had a hard time expressing myself.”

“Well, just you call him back and tell him it’s going to be a double ceremony! I’ll be battered and deep-fried if Trilby Hughes thinks she’s getting married before me.”

“No.”

“No?”

“You did it wrong. You’ll have to wait until after lunch and try again. Sit down and listen to some music with me.”

She burst out laughing and lunged for his phone. They thrashed around and landed in each others’ arms.

“So, does that mean you’re going to be my best friend for the rest of your life, Aundrea?”

“Yep.” She rested the tip of her nose on the tip of his.

“Is it okay if I get to be your best friend for the rest of my life?”

“Yep.” She looked at him lovingly with those stunning jade eyes.

“Got any Christmas cookies?”

“Yep.” Her nose crinkled when she said it.

“Are they any good?”

She jumped up and started swatting at him again. “Are they any good? Why I oughta…”

“You ought to tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. No point getting married with a closet full of skeletons.”

“Did your cousin clear all that with her? I’ll bet she’s got some doozies tucked away.”

“I guess so. He said something about them being naked.”

“Oh, wow. Too much information.” She jumped up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to go get your peanut butter cookies and try to unhear what you just said.”

“Is that the thing you said you got me for Christmas?”

“What?”

“The cookies.”

“No, I’ll bring your present back with me when I get the cookies. Phyl told me you had to throw the other ones away.”

“Yes, I’m sorry about that. I was really looking forward to tasting them but Trilby bled all over them.”

She began clapping her hands and jumping up and down again.

“That’s good news?”

“Oh my gosh, yes! I’m so relieved.”

“Huh?”

“I thought you threw them away because I was mad at you when I gave them to you.”

“Gave them to me? I’m lucky you didn’t crack me over the head with them. No, I dropped them when Trilby fell and hit her head. Boy, there was blood everywhere. It was awful.”

“But that’s so wonderful, Jeb! You like me! You really like me!” She sprinted out of the den.

Jeb just shook his head and waited for her to come back. This hadn’t gone quite how he expected but he figured that if he got his cookies and his yes, it was a pretty great Christmas after all.