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Follow The Breadcrumbs To Obviousville With Me
12/15/2025
Joe was turning the knob to his quarters when his pocket started yelling, “Well, golly!” like Gomer Pyle. He smiled as he fished out his phone and pressed the YoWut icon to answer. “Matt!”
“Hey, Joe. Did the major tell you?”
He swallowed his grin. “Tell me what?”
“I found her, Joe.”
“Oh, cool.” Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes as he struggled not to laugh. “So, what’s the final verdict? Blonde or not blonde?”
“Yeah, it was hard to tell at first, but when we all went to the restaurant–”
Joe leaned on the wall outside his door. “We?”
“Yeah, I was with my folks and her dad was there and my brother, Harry…”
“And your son, Teddy.”
“Yeah. Hey! You said he didn’t tell you.”
Joe’s laughter finally escaped. “Now, I didn’t say he didn’t. I just asked what he might have told me.”
“Yeah, well…”
“Well, what? Tell me about this kid. How old is he? Does he look like you? Are you sure he’s yours or is this just a scam to dig into your paycheck?”
“There’s no denying, Joe. He’s got my eyes, and my parents say he looks exactly like I did when I was his age. If so, I was freaking adorable. Boy, wait ‘til you see him, Joe. He’s an absolute miracle.”
“Yeah, about that. I spoke to Sheila over at the USO about setting up a big screen call after Major Melrose told us. Hey, how old is he?”
“The major? Mid-thirties, maybe?”
“Such a wise guy. The baby. How old is your baby?”
“About nine months. How did Gunny Kohn take it?”
“Matt, my boy, he hasn’t smiled that hard since they did beer-battered snapper with cheddar mac and cheese at the mess hall. He’s really proud of you for taking it on so quick. Lots of guys would hem and haw or try to weasel out of it.”
“Yeah, well, wait ‘til you see him. Harry kept calling him mini-me.”
Joe laughed so hard he almost dropped the phone. “That’s classic. Tell him hi from me. How about the girl? Having second thoughts about Sheila?”
“No, Sheila’s Sheila, but Abby is really different.”
“Yeah? How does she stack up next to that dream girl in that noggin of yours?”
“Pretty close. I must have gotten a better look at her than I realized.”
Joe’s jaw dropped. “A look? Matt, you got more than a look, brother. You got a son.”
“Preach, Marine. I have a son.”
“Oorah!”
“Oorah! He’s a beaut, Joe.”
“And the mom? Do you maybe have a…”
“We need to figure that out.”
“Yeah, sure. Is she local? How did you find her?”
“Down the highway a bit in Pine Hollow. They’re having a Christmas Village downtown like the one we have at the park in Laurel Ridge. She was in the church gift shop, but I saw Teddy first.”
“Pine Hollow? Laurel Ridge? What, do you live in the Hundred Acre Wood or something?”
“Says the guy from Arrigo Park. Yeah, they’ve got scenic names because they’re in scenic places. I’ll send you some pics.”
“You’d better. Wait, you saw Teddy first?”
“Yeah, we’re waiting for my mom to get her hot chocolate, and I’m there nursing a root beer when some guy bumps into me.”
“Not on your bad arm.”
“No, I would probably have decked him. He bumps into my right arm and almost spilled my root beer. I looked up to give him a dirty look and I see my own eyes looking back at me.”
“No way.”
“Yeah, it was crazy. Gary was bouncing Teddy on his shoulder, so he’s looking straight at me over his granddad’s shoulder. I’m thinking that’s a cute kid.”
“Sure.”
“We’re just locked in on each other’s eyes and the root beer kicks in at the exact same time as the bouncing works for him.”
“Get out of here.”
“No, really. We burped in stereo as I’m staring at him and I said to myself, that’s my kid.”
Joe slid down the wall, cackling as he descended. “Only you, man!”
“Seriously. I’m like, that’s my kid. So, I followed him to this little gift shop for the local church, and there she is.”
Joe heaved to get control of his breathing. “What church?”
“St. Casimir’s Catholic Church of Pine Hollow.”
Joe slowed his breathing and closed his eyes. “Okay, major point in her favor.”
“Catholic girl? Check. Cute? Check. Nice? Seems like, but we need to get to know each other better.”
“Check. Hey, what’s the next step? How do you figure out if she’s wife material?”
“Wow.”
“You alright, Matt?”
“I hadn’t even thought about that.”
“You’re in love with the kid, but about the mom you’re ambivalent?”
“I’m not sure if there’s room in my brain for all that reality yet.”
“You’re a big boy, Matthew. Follow the breadcrumbs to Obviousville with me.”
“Obviousville.”
“Teddy is your son. Check.”
“Check.”
“Abby is Teddy’s mom. Check.”
“Check.”
“You daddy. Her mommy. Check.”
“Check.”
“When mommies and daddies make Teddies, they’re usually married, so…”
“I should be married to Abby? Logically, yes, but I still need to get to know her.”
“She looks like you remember her.”
“Yeah, she’s cute and she seems pretty nice.”
“Great, now that we’re within the city limits of Obviousville, how do you do that?”
Gary scanned the cashiers as he entered the Grab & Go. It was that sleepy-looking guy who usually worked mornings. He dodged some looky-loos on his way to the wall of refrigerated drinks. ‘Ha, mine.’ He opened the door and pulled out an Eggnog Zaviccino.
Passing by the food preparation area, he kept an eye out for familiar faces. “Hey, Syl.”
The policeman turned with a smile. “Hey, Gary. Mike tells me you found your guy.”
“We did. It was…”
“Weird?” Syl slid an éclair into a little white paper bag.
“Yeah, but he’s alright. I thought for sure I’d hate him whenever he turned up, but the kid’s alright.”
Syl shrugged. “That’s a dad thing. My dad looked like he was going to crawl out of his skin whenever one of my sisters would bring home a new boyfriend. So, this guy’s decent?”
“A Marine. Works for the base chaplain. He’s an EMHC like me.”
“Sorry, what?”
“We help with the Eucharist at Mass.”
“Oh, oh, sure. I get you. So, you’ve got something in common. That’s probably why you don’t hate him.” Syl nodded.
“That, and he didn’t know.”
“She didn’t tell him?”
“She didn’t know how to get hold of him. Matt from Laurel Ridge off in the Marine Corps somewhere.” Gary shrugged. “She had faith he’d turn up and God would fix everything.”
“That’s actually really beautiful in an odd kind of way. No offense to your daughter. It’s kind of a defense mechanism. If he took forever to turn up, she’s got faith that it will work out someday. If he turns up like he did and it works out, it justifies her faith.”
“And if it doesn’t work out?”
“She’ll probably reframe it in her mind. You know? It wasn’t the right time. God will fix it later after he matures a bit or whatever. That kind of thing.”
“A defense mechanism?” Gary scanned the store. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
Syl held his hands up, the éclair bag pinched between fingers. “I’m not saying anything. That’s my understanding of people. I’m sure he’s a good guy, and it will work out fine.”
“I certainly hope so. His family seemed like decent people.”
“Laurel Ridge?”
“Yes, they were over to see the Christmas Village downtown when Matt spotted Teddy and followed us into St. Cas’ gift shop.”
“You’re sure he’s the guy?”
“Definitely. His folks said Teddy looked exactly like Matt at that age.”
Syl nodded. “So, what’s the next step? I’ve got a shotgun you can borrow if you want to call the parish priest.”
Gary laughed. “I don’t think he’ll need much convincing. He’s already head over heels for Teddy.” He pulled out his phone to show Syl some pictures from the family meeting at the H&H.
“Gee, so am I. What a cute kid. That’s a grandson you can be proud of.”
“Thanks. I think Abby’s right. I think it’s going to be good.”
Sanctus bells jingled, and an icon of a white I with a gold halo appeared. Gary tapped it. “Hi, Isidore. What’s happening?”
“Since you are the account holder, I wanted to notify you that Abigail is receiving a video call from Mr. Jozsa.”
“What is that?” Syl’s brow furrowed.
“Isidore is the AI from the Catholic TV channel. Thank you for letting me know, Isidore. I’m heading home.”
“Drive safely.” Isidore replied.
Syl’s flaming red eyebrows raised. “Huh. Let me second that. Get home safe, Gary. Take care. I’m sure things will be fine, but if they’re not you can call us.”
Gary shook his bottle. “Thanks. I’m sure that won’t be necessary. He seems like a decent guy. Guess we’ll see.”
“Zaviccino.” Syl tracked the bottle. “Oh, eggnog. Now you’re putting ideas in my head. I didn’t know I needed one, but that looks good. Take care.” He patted Gary’s shoulder and headed off in search of bottled coffee.
Gary purchased his beverage without incident and headed out to his Bronco. “Isidore, let me know when their conversation ends. I’d like to speak with Abby while it’s still fresh in her mind.”
“I will queue the call for you.”
He unlocked the door and climbed in. ‘A video call?’ The SUV rumbled to life, and he pulled away from the pumps. “Isidore? How long have they been talking?”
“Since I notified you a few minutes ago.”
“Where’s Teddy?”
“With Abigail in the living room. They are conducting a video call through YoWut.”
“I guess they exchanged contact information at the restaurant. Can’t expect to get to know him if she doesn’t stay in contact. Right?”
“That seems to be a sound conclusion.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Gary chewed on that for a few blocks. “Some travel tunes to see me home?”
“Contemporary?”
“Advent hymns.”
“Excellent choice, Gary.” Isidore played Of the Father’s Love Begotten first.
‘Well, put that in your pipe and smoke it.’ Gary ruminated quietly, his guts twisting. ‘You wanted to know who Teddy’s father is. Now you know. Sort of. You know who he is, but you don’t know him. Yet.’
What was only a few blocks felt like miles.
The radio changed to Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus.
‘Well, he’s hardly Jesus.’ Gary’s stomach continued churning. ‘Going around getting girls in trouble. I wonder how many other Teddies there are.’
Before he realized it, he was within sight of his home. The radio was shouting, “How great our joy!”
Gary sighed as the house grew larger.
“Joy! Joy! Joy!”
He pulled into the driveway.
“Praise we the Lord in Heaven on high!”
He turned off the engine and threw the door open. “Yes, praise the Lord, I’m finally home. Isidore, are they still talking?”
Sanctus bells jingled from his phone. “Yes, Gary, the call is still ongoing.”
He dashed to the kitchen door. “Hi, Abby!”
“Hi, Dad. Take your stuff off and come talk with Matt. We’re having a visit.”
‘A visit?’ Gary wrestled free of his coat and hung it on a chair. He plopped his hat on the table and sat to untie his boots. “Be right there, hon.”
“Hi, Mr. Light!” Matt called out.
He struggled with the bootlaces, tightening and tangling the knot. ‘Come on!’ He switched to the other boot and untied it without difficulty. The first boot was firmly lashed to his foot, but he struggled to slip free. “Hi, Matt!” He tugged at the boot, trying to wiggle his heel free. ‘Finally!’
He stepped through the doorway to the living room, his boots scattered wildly on the kitchen floor. “Hey, just got home.”
“Ooh, another man in uniform.” Another young lady on the screen said.
‘Pregnant? What’s he rubbing it in? Who’s she? This guy’s a serial impregnator! What, are you forming a harem? Is that what service in the desert does to you? You collect pregnant ladies like bottle caps?’ Gary’s fake smile looked like a tense snarl.
“Mr. Light, this is my sister, Bonnie. She wasn’t at the restaurant with us. Here’s her husband, Ned.”
“Hi, Mr. Light.” Ned waved.
“Hey, guys. Just call me Gary. Nice to meet you.” He sank onto the couch beside Abby and released a tense gust of pent-up dread. “Do you folks live in Laurel Ridge, too?”