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Getting Blown Up Put Me Off My Weekly Routine

12/19/2025

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been two weeks since my last confession.” Matt fidgeted with his sling, grateful that he didn’t have to do this at a kneeler.

“Two weeks, Matthew?” Father Dan smiled at him. “It takes you so long to stack up enough sins to bring to the Lord for forgiveness?”

“No, sir. Getting blown up put me off my weekly routine.”

“Gabe told me when it happened. I can tell you, you were in our prayers.”

“Thank you, Father. I needed every single one of them. It was… unpleasant.”

“Our Heavenly Father smooths all jagged edges and turns tragedy to good according to His will.”

“Yes, sir. Despite the circumstances, it got me home for Christmas to see my family.” He crossed himself. “My entire family.”

“Let’s talk about that.”

“It’s been almost a week, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, Father.”

“You truly had no idea?”

“Well, apparently I did, but not really.”

Fr. Dan Ramos smiled warmly. “They say the Lord’s ways are mysterious, but you’re giving him a run for his money. Can you unpack that for me?”

“I was telling Fr. Melrose that I had this image of a girl sort of stuck in my head. I didn’t know who she was, but I couldn’t seem to let it go. I could tell she was important.”

“So it would seem. Father Melrose is?”

“My boss, back in Djibouti. I’m an administrative aide to the Catholic chaplain on base.”

“That’s great, Matthew. I’m glad it affords you the opportunity to remain steeped in your faith.”

“Yes, sir. I serve as EMHC with my friend, Joe, at Mass. Gunny Kohn plays the hymns on the electric keyboard, and Major Melrose is our chaplain.”

“That’s really great, but I’m confused. If you’re an administrative aide, how on earth did you come to be in the line of fire?”

“Every Monday, Fr. Melrose and I conduct an audit of supplies in a storage unit near the perimeter of the base. Local insurgents had been working themselves up to another incident, but it’s usually just nothing. They have these crazy-looking pots that blend in with the rocks, you see? They fill them up with black powder and blow them up to scare us so they can feel like they’ve done something to express their outrage. We call them the Boom Bros. It sounds more intimidating in Arabic, but they’re just…” He shrugged his shoulders in confusion.

“Idiots?”

“Basically. They’re like the Bismali pirate version of Ernest T. Bass from Andy Griffith repeats.”

Fr. Dan chuckled. “So, this one was different?”

“From what I heard, they brought up a pot about the size of a portable outhouse this time. I don’t know why they switched up from their usual boom, but this one knocked the storage container right off its footers. Jerks could have killed my boss.”

“And you.”

“Maybe, but I saw him standing between the bookshelves. He had been counting the Bibles while I tightened a bolt that had come loose. I was stowing the ladder when it went off, and those bookshelves were going to…” He shook his head. “I got in there and pushed him free, but I got my arm pinned. Got me sent home for Christmas to meet my son, so that’s good.”

“His mother is this girl you couldn’t get out of your thoughts?”

“Exactly. I had this girl from the USO throwing herself at me. Sheila could be a movie star. She’s that glamorous.”

“And lead us not into temptation.”

“You know? The second I even halfway considered it, I had this feeling like I’d be cheating on someone.”

“So, somewhere deep inside, you remembered…”

“Abby. I guess so. I couldn’t figure out where I knew her from, but I knew she was important.”

“I’d say so.”

“Yes, sir. All the time, though. Any time a girl showed some kind of interest in me, and she was the kind of girl I might like to show interest back, there was that sense that I’d be cheating on Abby.”

“So, when’s the wedding?”

“Father Dan, I need to get to know her.”

“Matthew, you have a son. You already knew her in the biblical sense. You’ve got this deep conviction about your duty to her that prevented you from cheating on her, even when you didn’t know who she even was.”

“Yes, Father, that’s true.”

“So?”

“I want to do it right. If we’re going to stay married, I’m going to have to want to. In order to do that, I’m going to have to get to know her.”

“That’s sensible.”

“For it to really last, it’s going to have to survive my going back.”

“You’ve got plenty of time, I think. That’s no paper cut.” Fr. Dan waved at Matt’s sling.

“No, sir. It definitely is not. I want to do the right thing, Father, but I want to do it the right way. Rushing won’t help either of us. Teddy is my son, and nothing is going to change that.”

“Good, that’s the most fundamental thing. Doing right by him and his mother is crucial. What steps are you taking to get to know her?”

“We had a few YoWut calls, and she was at the hospital when my mom and I came out of my checkup.”

“These calls…”

“I call later, when I know her dad should be home and I have somebody on my side, like my sister or my mom.”

“Good, you’re being careful.”

“Yes, I want to learn who she is and what she’s like in a safe setting. I don’t want people saying, why didn’t you ask this or how could you not have asked about that. You know?”

“Matthew, you are considerably wiser than the hungover slob who presented himself for absolution before shipping out.”

“Yes, Father. I’m really sorry about that.”

“Your dad had to pay for three sessions of deep cleaning services just to get the stench out of this room.”

“Sorry, Father.”

“That was then. This is now. You are clearly a better man than when you left. Would it be fair to assume that the guy who abominated this room like a scene from The Exorcist was the same guy who created Teddy without even realizing he had done so?”

“Yes, Father. It’s like you said. God can and does sanctify. However we made him, it was probably ugly, but Teddy isn’t. God made him clean and beautiful and healthy, Father. That’s what really matters.”

“I think it’s fair to assume that Abby came to the same conclusion as you, only earlier. As much as you claim not to know her, you know she carried, nurtured and protected Teddy all this time. Details will sort themselves out, but you know that someone capable of making a child that beautiful, clean and healthy with you…”

“Is someone deserving of my love and admiration. Yes, that’s why it felt like I would have been cheating on her to go with Sheila. Abby had already given me her entire self, even if I was too drunk to even realize it.”

“Good. Now, the next piece of business.”

“Father?”

“Your sister.”

“She’s very excitable.”

“Pregnant women often are. The human body is a masterpiece of God’s creation. The changes a woman goes through in preparation to deliver and care for a child are a complete college course in biochemistry, Matthew.”

“I understand.”

“I don’t think you do. If you did, you would not trigger Mount Boniface for constant eruptions. You really need to stop annoying a pregnant woman if you don’t want to add a dented skull to your list of ailments.”

“Do you think it would help if I asked Isidore the right thing to say before saying anything to Bonnie?”

“No, she’d find that annoying, too. There’s really no winning this one, Matthew. Just keep a pack of tissues handy and say you’re sorry as often as possible.”

“Is that him?” Harry asked, cruising by the mailman slowly.

Matt looked. “No, this guy doesn’t have a mustache.”

“Well, we can’t just creep all over Pine Hollow looking for him. What if we ask that guy? He might know. Right?”

“Maybe, but he’ll tell him. It would spoil the surprise.”

“Surprise? Teddy will graduate with his PhD before we find Gary this way. Forget surprises. Just ask the guy.” Harry pulled to the curb and lowered Matt’s window.

“Hey, pardon me.” Matt waved to the approaching postman.

He squatted down beside the car. “You guys lost?”

“Kind of. We were looking for Gary Light. Do you know where he might be? I have a question for him.”

“Oh, you’re Teddy’s dad. Wow, those eyes are no lie. He’s a real chip off the ol’ block. Huh?”

“He’s a son to be proud of.” Matt nodded.

The postman grinned. “Sure is. Adorable kid. Yeah, let me see if I can get him for you.” He pulled out his phone and slid through the contacts. “Here we go. Hi, Gary? Where ya at?” He looked at the guys in the car. “Your son-in-law.” He winked at Matt. “The jewelry store on Vistula Boulevard? Okay, I’ll tell them to meet you there.” He stuffed the phone back into his coat pocket and zipped it up. “He’s doing the shops on Vistula. He figures by the time you get there, he’ll be near the jewelry store. Just go in and wait for him there.”

“Have they got parking?”

“Metered on-street spots.” The postman got up and walked away.

“Thanks.” Matt waved.

“Okay, start digging for change.” Harry said as he pulled away. “I’m sure there’s a couple of bucks in loose coins rolling around here.”

“Yeah, I’m not really set for coin diving here.” He wiggled his arm in the sling.

“Boy, that thing is the ultimate cop-out. Alright, we’ll worry about change when we get there. Get us some directions to Vistula.”

Matt slid his phone out and pecked at the I with the halo icon.

Sanctus bells jingled. “Good morning, Matthew. How can I help you today?”

“We’re in Pine Hollow, and we’re not familiar with the roads. How do we get to the jewelry store on Vistula Boulevard from, uh…” He craned his neck to see the street sign. “Apple and Third.”

Sanctus bells jingled. “Route is set. Please turn right onto Third Street.”

Sanctus bells jingled from Gabe’s phone in its docking station.

“Hey, Isidore, is everything okay?”

“I wanted to notify you of one of your requested alarms. Matthew and Harold are en route to a jewelry store in Pine Hollow. They are scheduled to meet Mr. Light there.”

“That’s wonderful, Isidore. Thank you. Queue a call to them when they arrive and put me through to Jenny, so she can be in on it.”

“Certainly, Gabriel. Calling now.”

Harry backed into the spot and shifted into park. “I’ve still got it. Who knew parallel parking would still be a thing in 2025?”

Sanctus bells jingled and the I with a halo strobed on Matt’s phone.

“Isidore?”

“Please stand by for a group call.” The saintly AI announced.

“Oh, brother.” Harry chuckled as he scrounged around for loose change.

“Hey, Matty, whatcha doing at a jewelry store?” Bonnie’s voice came across sweet and singsong.

Harry snickered. ‘Ned must have given her one of those cinnamon buns.’

“Wow, I didn’t know pregnancy made you psychic. How did you know we’re at a jewelry store?”

“The important question isn’t how, Matt. It’s why. Spill the beans, son.” His dad laughed.

“Yeah, Matt, don’t keep us in suspense here. What are you doing?” Mom chimed in.

He sighed and took a deep breath. “Are you sure you don’t want to get some second cousins on the call? Maybe my third-grade teacher or something?”

Harry snickered as he got out to drop change in the parking meter.

“Spill.” His dad commanded.

“We’re meeting Mr. Light here so I can ask him for permission to ask Abby if she’ll marry me.”

“You’re not going to say it like that. Are you?” Bonnie’s tone became predictably acidic.

“Step one, sister dear. Obtain permission. Step two: pick a ring. Step three: script a proposal. I’ll be needing a lot of help with step three.”

He could hear his sister’s teeth grinding. “Just you put that camera on when you go into the store, because you need help with step two whether or not you think so.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Harry knocked on the door and opened it to help Matt get out. “I can see him down the block.”

“What made you change your mind?” Dad asked.

“It wasn’t about changing my mind. I figured we’d get together, but Father Dan and I had a serious talk about it during Confession.”

“Double the envelope this week.” Mom said.

“Ya think?” Dad countered.

“Okay, guys. I’ll let you know how it goes. Bye.” He stuffed the phone in his pocket and looked down the block. Gary was waving. He waved back. “Well, here we go.”

“Am I going to be your best man?” Harry teased.

Matt held out a fist. “You always have been, Harry. No need to change now.”

Harry bumped it and they waited for Gary.