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The Meierhoffs’ Tailpipe

“Hey, Toby, boss says we can knock off early today if you’re almost done.” Dennis said, wiping his hands with a shop rag.

“Oh, great.” Toby rolled out from under a green sedan. “That will give me more time to clean up before the game.”

“Got tickets?”

“Better.” Toby sat up. “I got a spot on Steve’s couch.” He slid a drawer on his tool chest open and pulled out a socket wrench. “Steve knows how to throw a house party. I’m just about done here. I’ll clock out in a moment.” Toby lay back down on his dolly and slid under the sedan.

“Hey, did you meet any pretty bridesmaids at dinner last night?”

He was greeted with a thump and the clatter of a dropped wrench.

“Toby, are you alright?” He grabbed his friend’s ankles and pulled him out.

Toby rubbed his forehead. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Boy, you don’t look okay. You’d better get Gretchen to give you a bandage. Switch with me. I’ll finish this up for you.”

“I can do it. I’m almost done.”

“Toby, you’re bleeding. Go get it taken care of. I’ll finish this up. Okay?” He held out a hand to help his friend up.

“Bleeding? Ah, nuts.” He got up and pressed a clean towel to his forehead. “Thanks, Dennis.”

“Sure, buddy. Go get that looked at. I’ll be right with you.” Dennis sat down on the dolly. “By the way…”

“Huh?”

“I’m taking that as a yes. I want details.”

Toby rolled his eyes and headed for the service office.

“Oh, Toby. What happened?” Gretchen spun her chair toward him.

“The Meierhoffs’ tailpipe isn’t as soft as it looks.”

“That’s terrible. Let me see.”

He pulled the towel away. “Is it bad?”

“Let me clean it up for you. You’re probably going to have a heck of a welt there. Maybe you should go to Urgent Care.” Gretchen got the First Aid Kit out of a cabinet.

“Really? Is it that bad?”

“Well, it’s bleeding pretty badly and the bruise is puffing up already.” She ripped open an alcohol swab. “This might sting.”

“Yep, it does.” Toby winced as she dabbed around the gash.

“Oh, this is definitely doctor territory.” She pulled out some gauze and medical tape. “I’ll put this on but you need to get proper attention. Do you need someone to take you?”

“How’s Toby?” Dennis entered the service office. “Oh, man. Are you alright? You want me to drive you?”

“Gee, is it that bad? Maybe you should.”

“I feel terrible.”

“Why?” Gretchen asked. “What did you do?”

“I asked him if he met any pretty bridesmaids and wham!”

She covered a smile as she put the First Aid Kit away. “Would you mind taking him? I don’t want him driving with a big knot on his head like that.”

“A knot?” Toby moaned.

“Go with Dennis. Get yourself taken care of and let me know if you’ll be alright to come in Monday.” She waved toward the door. “I hope you feel better, Toby.”

“Thanks, Gretchen. See you next week.”

“Come on, Toby. My truck is close by.” Dennis took him by the arm.

“Wow, it’s chilly today.”

“It’s basically Christmastime now, Toby. Here, let me unlock it.” Dennis fumbled with his keys.

“Hey, I’m not dying here. Calm down.”

Dennis unlocked the door and helped Toby up into it. “It’s my fault you bonked your head. I want to make it right.”

“It’s my own dumb fault, not yours.”

“Sit tight, I’ll get you to the Urgent Care.” Dennis closed the door and hurried around to the driver’s side.

“Yeah, Dennis, I met someone. Kind of.”

“I guessed, based on your reaction.” He started up and headed out. “What do you mean, kind of?”

“We didn’t exactly meet. She was across from Nancy, a couple chairs down.”

“Did you get a name at least?” Dennis pulled into heavy traffic. “Jeez, would have expected the Black Friday traffic to have died down by now.”

“Meredith.”

“You don’t hear that one a lot. What’s she like?”

“Dennis, she’s so elegant and sophisticated. Dark hair, darker eyes, porcelain skin. Really classy and smart, too.”

“If you didn’t get to talk to her, how do you know she’s smart?” Dennis turned the corner to head for the highway.

“They said she’s a book editor in the city.”

“Oh, that’s interesting.”

“And she’s got a Sentinels collection. She’s nuts about them.”

“Even more than you?”

“Maybe. I haven’t had a chance to talk with her about it.”

“Well, if you do get the chance, it will help to distract her from that.” He pointed at Toby’s head.

“Who knows? Might be a point in my favor.”

“How do you figure?”

“She knew that Baked Alaska was Foxfire’s favorite dessert. She’s the real deal. If she sees this goose egg, it will remind her of Mary Christmas after the hit.”

“You lost me.” Dennis turned onto the highway on-ramp.

“That’s alright. She’ll know what it means.”

“Uh-huh.” Dennis glanced at him. “When do you think you’ll get a chance to actually talk to her?”

“Who knows? The wedding isn’t for another week or so. I guess we’ll have some more get-togethers.”

“Well, I’m glad that won’t be a deterrent for her when you do.”

“I hope not. Some people don’t like blood and bruises, even if they are Sentinels fans.”

“What else do you have to work with? Maybe you read something she edited.”

“Oh, I haven’t read anything since my last book report in High School. She’s going to think I’m an idiot.”

“I hate to break it to you, Toby, but all women think all men are idiots. That’s not something you need to worry about. It’s already a given in any relationship.”

“That’s good news, I guess.”

“What can I tell you? It goes with the territory. The best you can do is to disprove the assumption from time to time. It actually makes their day.”

“I don’t know if I should be hopeful or depressed.”

“Won’t know until you try, buddy. At least you’ve got something in common with her. That’s a start. Right?”

“GPS says it’s at the next exit.”

“Yeah, man. We’ll get you patched up and ready for the big game. Okay?”

“Sure. Thanks, Dennis. I appreciate you taking the time. This isn’t your fault, you know.”

“I got you, Toby.”