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More Pretzels

‘Oh, heck! Did I just say that out loud?’ She bit her lip to keep from saying anything else embarrassing. Pretzels. More pretzels.

“Huh?” Toby blinked a few times. “Oh, sure, anytime.” Toby grabbed some pretzels. ‘Anytime after I clean up my disaster area.’

Meredith studied him as she nibbled her pretzels. She turned to find Ivy smiling like the Cheshire Cat. ‘Now what do I do?’

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“What? No, you just sit there. I’ll get us something. Oh, your poor head. Sit there and rest. Okay?”

It was clear she wouldn’t take no for an answer, so he studied the Sentinels bear she gave him while she flitted away to the kitchen.

“Honey, are you okay?” Nancy asked as she stirred the mulled cider with a ladle.

“Sure, why do you ask?” Meredith leaned on the kitchen table and tried not to hyperventilate.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s the matter?”

“I’m not well acquainted with the taste of shoe leather.”

“You lost me.”

“I just told Toby I’d love to see his Sentinels collection.”

“That’s nice. I’m sure he’d be happy to show it to you.”

“That’s crazy! I don’t go around inviting myself to people’s houses.” Her elbows began to shake. She was afraid she was going to faceplant on the table.

“I’m sure you don’t, but if it comes down to comparing notes on a shared interest… Was he offended?”

“No, he said any time.” She shook her head, taking deep breaths.

“See? That’s great. Isn’t it?”

“What if he thinks I’m a weirdo?”

“Toby? Why would he think that? I’m sure he’s excited to have someone to share his passion with.”

‘Passion?’ The word struck her like a hail of arrows. ‘Passion is kissing and, and…’

“Meredith, maybe you should sit down.” Nancy slid a chair out for her.

She slumped down into the chair and fanned her face with her hand.

“Everything okay?” Ivy wandered into the kitchen. “Meri? What happened?”

“Can’t breathe.”

“Do you have medicine for this? Has this happened before?”

“Not since prom.”

“Do you have an inhaler or something?”

Meredith shook her head and struggled to breathe. “I can’t…”

“Take it slow, Meri. In. Out. Slowly. In. Out. Okay?”

She squeezed her eyes shut and struggled to regain control of her breathing.

“There, there.” Nancy said. “Do you want to lie down in our guest room?”

“Promised I’d bring him a drink. His poor head.”

“Toby’s a big boy. He’ll be alright. The doctor said so.” Ivy said. “Don’t worry about him until you start breathing again. Okay?”

Meredith nodded and counted out her breaths slowly and deliberately.

“Do you need me to take you back to the hotel?”

“What will he think if I run away again?”

“Is that what it is?” Ivy leaned in and rubbed her friend’s back. ”Are you just running away?”

“I’m afraid.”

“Afraid to make a friend?”

“I don’t really have… friends.”

“Oh, Meri, of course you do. You don’t need to be scared of Toby. He’s just a guy, a very nice guy.”

“So was Bobby Inglese.”

“Who’s that?”

“He took me to the prom.”

“Meri, did something happen?”

“He was so nice until after the prom.”

“Oh, sweetie, what happened?”

Meredith shook her head. “He wanted something I couldn’t…”

“That’s terrible.” Ivy hugged her. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Meredith, Toby isn’t like that. I promise.” Nancy added.

“Probably so, but I can’t take that chance.”

“I’ll take you back to the hotel if you want.” Ivy dabbed her friend’s tears with a napkin.

Meredith nodded, breathing a little easier.

She locked the hotel door and slid the chain into place. Checking the room thoroughly before shutting the curtains, she found herself hyperventilating again. Meredith checked the room again to be absolutely certain she was safe and alone.

Alone.

Is that all she was ever going to be?

Was she going to hold everyone and everything at arm’s length forever?

Could she really live like that? Was that actually living?

She wanted to believe Toby was nice, but trust is earned.

She trusted a nice guy before and look where that got her.

Meredith slid off her boots and fell back onto the bed. She buried her face in the pillow and cried herself to sleep.

Nancy brought Toby a mug of mulled cider. The tears in her eyes told him everything he needed to know.

He slid over to give Frank some more room. He hugged his bear and watched the game in detached silence.

The usual commotion seemed like it was occurring in a parallel dimension. Was it the lump on his head?

No, this was a keener pain than that.

Somehow he blew it and he didn’t know what he had done to ruin everything.

As much as it pained him to lose her company this evening, it only made it more clear that she was the one.

He had to get her back somehow. Didn’t he?

Maybe the only way to get her back was to set her free.

He had heard a song about that.

Hadn’t made sense to him at the time.

Still didn’t.

Even so, she wasn’t a prize to win, a thing to possess.

She was a person. She had feelings and needs, just like anyone.

He would respect that, even if it meant losing her.

The room erupted in celebration.

Touchdown!

Well, at least someone was winning tonight.

He clutched the bear and felt the satin jersey with the embroidered symbol.

She gave that to him. That meant something. Right?

They both had that jersey. She said so.

That mattered. She was the one.

Toby tucked his bear under an arm and took his mug out to the kitchen.

“You okay, Toby?”

“Sure, Nance. I think I’m going to head home. This thing needs changing.”

“Do you want me to do that?”

“It’s pretty ugly and the ointment they gave me is back at my place. I’ll be alright.”

“She likes you a lot.”

“Same.”

“She’s just scared. I guess she’s used to being on her own.”

“Sure, people get set in their ways. I get it.”

“There’s still time.”

“I can’t earn her trust by trying to smother her. When she’s ready, I’ll be here.”