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Side Effects

Carol pulled up beside Jeb’s pickup. The farmhouse was decked out in fairy lights and the porch posts were wrapped in a spiral of red tape to make them look like candy canes.

Aundrea opened the door as Carol stepped onto the front porch. “Please come in.”

“Is everything okay? How is Paul?”

“Come on in. Let me get your coat.” She hung it on the coat tree.

“Hey, guys.”

Paul, Jeb and an older gentleman with graying dreadlocks stood up.

“So, what’s going on?”

“Carol, this is my friend, Phillipe. He’s the team’s doctor.”

“Doctor? Paul, are you okay?”

“Sure. I’m just taking advantage of the lull this week.” He turned to Phillipe. “Look, the reason I invited him is…”

“Carol, won’t you please have a seat? I need to speak with you about a matter of—”

“Oh, no. Did we make his condition worse having him out in the cold this weekend? Paul, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that.” Jeb said. “Just hear what Dr. Defay has to say.”

“I don’t want to dance around this, Carol. May we speak candidly?”

“Of course.” She looked around the room. “Guys, you’re worrying me.”

“Carol,” Paul said. “do you remember how I said I shouldn’t touch people while I’m using my powers?”

“I think so.”

“And you know how Paul grows a bit for public appearances.” Jeb said.

“Right, that’s why he was a bit taller in his uniform than usual.”

“Yes, exactly. He grows a bit taller and maintains it until his social engagement is over.” The doctor said.

“Uh-huh.” She searched their faces for a clue to why they seemed so concerned. “Oh, my. That kiss.”

“That kiss.” He nodded.

Paul blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. Jeb and Aundrea studied her.

“So, the reason that kiss was so…”

Phillipe smiled. “I can’t speak to the quality or emotional impact of Paul’s kisses, but I am concerned about the possibility of side effects.”

“Side effects?” She felt gut punched. “Well, Maggie has been teasing me for days and Sarah quit.”

“Yeah, she canceled our movie date, too.” Paul said.

“Those aren’t the kinds of side effects I was thinking of.” Phillipe held onto a half-smile. “I was hoping you would consent to a brief examination.”

“If you think that’s necessary…”

“Just as a precaution, of course. I wouldn’t expect a simple kiss to cause serious side effects, but it pays to be sure. Have you been experiencing any unusual symptoms?”

“Symptoms?” Carol looked at them. “What kind of symptoms?”

“You see, that’s the problem with chaos poisoning. It could be almost anything. X-ray vision, beams of energy emanating from your hands, psychic powers, growth of additional limbs…”

“Chaos…poisoning?” She put her hands over her mouth.

“Please think about this. Have you had any unusual sensations in your lips or tongue?”

“Look, it was a heck of a kiss but there was no tongue.”

He held his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t mean to offend. It’s just that even a simple lip to lip kiss could affect your mouth, your face or your entire head.”

“So, I could start breathing fire or—”

“Grow a lizard tongue or mandibles or become able to hear radio waves…” Paul shrugged.

Dr. Defay turned to squint at him. “As I said, I wouldn’t expect a simple kiss to have such drastic effects.”

“But you can’t rule it out. What do you need me to do?”

As Ryan was pacing in his room, he spotted the Advent prayer guide. He paced a moment longer before he plopped down on the bed to read. “Isaiah 41:10 says ‘So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ Okay, good. That’s good.”

He tried to get his breathing under control. ‘It’s just a date. She likes you. It’s just dinner. Bob said not to overthink it.’

“She’s here.” Pastor Greg called from downstairs.

Ryan jumped up to look out his window. A car pulled up and the headlights turned off. He paced around the room three times before he picked up the devotional again. “Psalm 56:3 says ‘When I am afraid, I put my trust in you’. Yes, that’s right. It’s just dinner. Don’t overthink it. Don’t be afraid.”

“Ryan?”

“Be right down, Pastor.” He dashed into the bathroom for a quick gargle and headed downstairs. “Hi.”

She was done up like a K-Pop star, which was a pretty big change from Saturday. “Hi.” She rolled her eyes and nodded toward the door. “Are you ready?”

He looked at Pastor Greg who smiled and nodded. “Um, sure.”

“I won’t keep him out too late, Pastor.” Marta said with an impish grin.

“Where are you planning to go?”

“Was planning to play it by ear.” She shrugged.

“Technically, he needs to know.” Ryan said softly, looking down.

“Oh, of course. Sorry.” She slid her key ring up and down her finger. “Were you up for something in particular? Italian? Indian? Burger and fries?”

“Any of those sound pretty good. You like Indian food?”

“Sure. Do you?”

“Never had it before.”

“It can get pretty hot.”

“Like Mexican?”

“Hmm, double that and double it again.”

“I’m game if you don’t mind pointing me to something good.”

“Sure, I won’t steer you wrong. Pastor, we’re going to the Tandoori Grill near Wentzel’s.” Marta headed for the door.

Ryan followed her out to the car. “Are you sure about this?”

“It’s just dinner, hot stuff. Don’t overthink it.” She unlocked the doors and hopped in.

‘Hot stuff?’ He shook his head and got in. “Okay, I’m completely at your mercy here.”

“Hmm, tempting me already?” She backed out and headed for the road. “Just about anything could happen.”

“So, Marta…”

She cocked an eyebrow and waited for him to finish the thought.

“Why me?”

“Mom wants grandkids.”

“I thought you said it was just dinner.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, cowboy. I meant that if I’m going to provide her some grandkids to spoil, I need to stop beating around the bush and pick somebody.”

“I don’t remember buying a lottery ticket.”

“You’re handsome, hardworking and your turducken is to die for.”

“That’s all it took?”

“There are plenty of handsome guys.”

“Uh-huh.”

“There are tons of hardworking guys.”

“I know a few.”

“There are even a few handsome, hardworking guys.”

“But the turducken sealed the deal?”

“Lucky you.”

“Be serious.”

“I never kid about turducken.”

He looked at her. She glanced his way and began laughing.

“Okay, you got me.” He smiled.

“I was hoping I could get a smile out of you.”

He looked at her. “So, you’ve got me all figured out.”

“Of course not. I’ll be working on it, though.”

“You’ve got me alone.”

“It’s a good start.”

“I mean, if you wanted to know something personal…”

“You want me to ask you why you were in jail?”

“Not really, but we might as well get it over with.”

“I didn’t really want to ask.”

“No?”

“We’ll get there. I’m sure.”

“But?”

“I want to know who you are, not who you were.”